Monday, April 26, 2010


Last evening here. Have yet to sort my suitcase out and be ready! I have loved this holiday even though I have been a little sad at times. I think about change of meds when i get home. Not sure yet. On this last day sat around watching a show called chopped and I was drawing for a lil bit too. We went out to the wafflehouse and had well burger and hash browns, dad ate too huge waffles with bacon i cant remember what scott had though.

So anyhow its almost midnight here and about sleepy time. So I will write more if i have time, otherwise its fairwell to the south and a BIG thanks go to scott and jess for their company, love and will miss you both.

nighty night.


Sunday, April 25, 2010


Had breakfast out at a place i ordered french toast, mum ordered the best, pancakes.. light and fluffy. After that went to drop jess off at work at the pet store.. went in for a look, you can get a headchog there, they are so so cute also lil turtles,, snakes and kitty cats and dogs. So that was interesting.

Went shopping today, again, clothes this time. Found a few nice pieces of clothing, a few things for other people. Came home, watched some of the unit and spent some time drawing. Stayed in as it was raining. The rainfall they get here is quite something we need it oz.

Ok so its sunday now, my birthday! I think this trip is enough of a gift for me. So i don't need or want anything. Off mum and dad i am getting the bbc series of ladies no1 detective agency. It should be here monday. 32 today.. eeeep getting old. I am not sure how the day shall unfold.

Went out to a smoothie cafe, had a wasabi and beef sandwhich with kettle like chips. I just wanted something simple. After that went to wallmart, they have everything there... so I bought some things for friends at home, plus some drawing paper. I got some coloured markers... but they are actually paint ones, arcylic. So i will experiment with them when i get home. I fastly running out of my letra so i will need a whole new set! (They are totally worth it though) Scott and Jess bought me a red velvet birthday cake, will have that after dinner I think.

We are going to go feed some horses later. All in all a lovely birthday. I sipping on a drink. Thanks to all. and to all the people who sent their birthday wishes. Will write more later.

ciao for now

more later

Friday, April 23, 2010


Went to an art museum today. Took in the sights of some beautiful artwork with jess and dad.. Lovely paintings, lovely hand blown glass.. there was this one piece there that was all wood that looked amazing. I liked it a lot. Couldnt take photos of course.. i looked in the gift store to see if they would have a post card of that but they didn't. So i ended up getting this lil picasso card with some quotes as stickers on them. After that called into krispy cream and had a doughnut and a very sweet coffee.

Sat around drawing for most of the evening mostly.. whilst they are watching this tv series called the unit. I just about out of book to draw in. Went out and had a burger for dinner. When i get home, im going vegetarian for a while, need to detox myself from all this meat and fried foods I have been eating here. Quite a bit. Mum went out to the casino, enjoyed herself, i imagine.

I have been a lil sad again. Ive been trying to draw my blues away, not successfully though. I am going to save some money when I get home start putting away a rainy day fund.. i may also start going back to doing the markets too. Im not sure yet. Just have to make it back to oz first.

So not alot else happening this evening. So i think Ill stop there.



more notes

Yesterday, we set out to go shopping, armed with our dvd list and a list of things from the shooting/hunting/fisihing type store we set off. First stop was a place called
Pro something store to see if they had some things for louise and allen. No luck there though. Inside the store they had an aquarium with waterfall, lots of tshirts with red neck jibes. I found them amusing anyhow.

After that it was around 11ish went to scott and jessica's fav restaurant called Felix's mainly seafood. Had crab cakes with a side order of beans and almonds, they were so smokey though. It was a really nice meal. After that ordered a key lime pie, which was delicious. I couldnt work out the creaminess of it. Jess looked it up its eggs, sweetend condensed milk, sugar, limes and graham crackers. I think Im going to attempt to make it when I get back to oz. Not straight away though! The place overlooked the ocean and was very busy even at that time of the morning apparently it is busy right through from morning to evening.

After that I went off to hunt down the dvds. I bought a few, left mum to find the rest as I headed to the book store. I bought a couple of trashy novels to read , they had some nice journals there too, but im still going in the one i bought here. (just) Came home and later that evening jumped on the internet and ordered some dvds off amazon. Hopefully they will arrive by monday as we fly out tuesday afternoon.

I went to bed at 1ish this morning woke up at 7ish and then went back to bed for another few hours as I was so tired, my eyes were giving in. Its now 11ish and I am about to have morning tea. Today, am going heading to an art gallery with jess and dad. Mum is heading to the casino! I have chosen not to go there.

write more later alligator


Wednesday, April 21, 2010

last day

Last day at the condo was today. It was lovely, i sat on the beach for a while, we saw some dolphins way off shore, jumping around and playing whole school of them we think.
Drawing reading and listening to music. I took some photos of scott jess and mum. Ive got to carry the camera with me everywhere from now on... I leave it mostly always.
So that was today. Currently sitting here at their house, relaxing.

write more tomorrow... as i deleated it again!

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

today notes

Went out and sat on the beach for a while, sitting under the beach brolly on the chairs... we sat there for about half an hour... and this guy came up to us and said that the chairs were $25 for the day. Holy moley! So he saw that I was drawing and I let him look at them...and said that was payment enough.

When scott and jess arrived not long after... we went shopping to the discount stores there. I was on a mission to find bathers, u think it would be an easy task right? Not when you weigh what I do. Oh well. I ended up with a pair of shoes and to compensate for not finding any clothes, i bought a green weekend bag for a bargain.

I did not want to go to I stayed here at the condo. I am feeling a little down right now, think its just my buzzin things in my ears. Im not sure what to do at times, just grin and bare it mostly that's all i can do. So I feel as if im living except perhaps its more existing. I am not sure. Trying to find a happy medium between the two.

I also been thinking about my past again. Especially my time at st georges rd... my time there was possibly the happiest ever. What changed? I changed. I miss having friends round for pot luck dinners and parties even for coffee.. I realise that living in Moe is not such a great choice but u make the best of wherever you are.
I miss melbs. So this is a candied trip down memory lane I suppose. I used to feel blessed and happy. I guess I turned my back on everything and everyone. Woe is me.

There is one thing i never let myself do.. and that is love someone and have them love me back. I thought at 21 that this guy in my gardening course was amazing.. he had a girlfriend , so i was always on the outside of that. He was beautiful and I couldn't tell him how I felt. It was pretty obvious to everyone around me though.

Going back another long time ago now, I had a guy i liked a lot... missed his train to Sydney to spend more time with me. Its like i couldnt see how pretty or beautiful I actually was back then. Not now. I have become what I have become. I don't see myself as pretty anymore, i don't feel beautiful and all in all i let myself go. So that's why I am mad and angry with myself. Regrets of the past. Trying to shape my future is tricky at this point I just want to give in. I am going to go now. Find solace in drawing.

Monday, April 19, 2010


grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! I just wrote a blog piece.. but deleted it by mistake..... grrrrrr.. so mad! I usually save as i go but i didn't this time round. So yesterday went for breakfast only to find that the lunch time menu had started. I Well im guessing cause we were smack on noon. I.ordered prawns with fries, a bit of tomato and lettuce with a roll. Mum had chicken and had potato and bacon soup. Had a very quiet day. Lost dad for a lil bit there though.. he was gone for two hours.after that ....scott wrote him out his phone number and condo number out for him to carry around. I think it better not be a repeat of Denmark where dad ended up in the clink for a day. Its funny in reflecting on it but in reality it was a lil stressful.

Anyhow, went out for dinner called happy2jack, I tried gator for the first time. Tastes like ummm chicken. Then i had this fish wrap, which was sooooo salty i put salsa on it just to balance it out. Had a salad which i took away with me for lunch today.

Well i will write more later. I need a coffee.



Would you believe the cake was an absolute disaster! I used the wrong flour and it turned out rubbery and flat! SO BAD! jess iced it some people liked it.. i wanted to throw it out. So far ive had some pretty interesting food. Some meat called a briscit.. smoked meat with some sort of rub on it (for 11 hours or something) far too smokey for my liking. I had this beautiful fruit salad with apple, blueberries, cantelope, mandarin covered in a lil honey and loads of cinnamon.. so im going to make that at home. I ended up using a packet mix cake which is pretty pooor form really. *sighs

ive been feeling really really ultra sad too. Been crying a hell of a lot.. like the depression has hit me here on holiday. So ive been drawing my way through it. I have not done this much drawing in a long long time. I have my beautiful markers, ive gone through a few colours and shall have to head to an art store soon . So ive been drawin. Some of my pictures are rather beautiful. if i do say so myself)

I have not had a decent cup of coffee since I arrived. Its quite bad. have to put a lot of coffee in to get a decent cup, oh well. One should open up a hudsons instead of starbucks, i think. Perhaps you have to adjust to it... oh well. Right now its almost mid morning and I am sitting here in a condo that overlooks a private beach with swimming pools, tennis courts, spas a few places to eat. Its relaxing, Ive been reading too. Still the book about a cat who helped a family to heal. True story.

I have tried red velvet cake for the first time, really rich. Might attempt to make one when i get home, make them into cup cakes. The one thing I forgot to pack was the cord for the camera so i can put photos up on here. Well almost time for breakfast.Will write more later alligator.


Thursday, April 15, 2010

Coast Guard

Woke up around 7am.. went out at about 11amish to meet one of scottand jesses friends who is a coast guard. So we were all strapped in and ready to go on the boat.. scott and jess were at the back hooked on whilst we were in the cabin... jess got drenched. It was pretty funny..the boat went super fast. Dad was grinning ear to ear.. you couldnt wipe the smile off his face... mum too. We all had a good time. Stopped off for lunch i had a pappya, berry and banana smoothie which was delicious.
The thing i have noticed is that americans love their coupons! ALOT!

Wednesday, one of thei ry morning at home. Came home and slept for a few hours. When I woke up its was around 5:30pm ish.. in time fordinner. It was scotts birthday too, so we went out for dinner. Cant remember what the place is called but we started out with an entree of fried onion (sheeessshh) (who would have thought) hand some buns with cinnamon and maple butter that was delicious. For the main I didnt order steak as im not fond of it at all. Soi ordered a chicken was HUGE. It will do for mum and i for lunch today.Its good that you can take the left overs home.. that's generally not allowed in oz. I had sprite. with it too. I DO NOT think that the word SMALL is in the southern eateries vocabs! Its big or bigger. certainly SUPERSIZE me!

I was talking to Jess about one of my favorite loves.. cooking... now I am making Scotts birthday cake um hmm. I found a diabetic angel food cake recipe...or a plain vanilla diabetic cake. I am not sure yet... have been looking up recipies all morning! Mum is making the potato salad for the bbq and I am making my dip. I will have to check at the grocery store though. You know I have come to realise that the american way does suit Scott very much so. I am not sure why!

Well its only 11amish now.. and I am starving.. might go eat the leftovers!

ciao for now.


So we left tuesday and arrived tuesday..coming home we lose a day. Scott greeted us at the airport .Hence we landed and were tired and very hungry as that plane food aboard Qantas was pretty bad.I had some chicken floatin in mushrooms of some description and for breakfast i chose an eggy thing of sorts... The coffee is absolutely vile...mum chose granola...she chose so much better than dad and I... the cattle class was so small..and cramped of course. Lucky i was wearing all black as it hid a multitude of stains. So the leg from la to huston the food was much nicer and the room a lot bigger. Th flight from their to biloxi gulfport,

So 36 hours of travel and im a lil maxed out, we just had one more flight and we had finally arrived... thank goodness for that. We were hungry and tired and jet lagged... they took us to a waffle house..a delicious plain waffle with maple syrup with a hot english breakfast tea. That was lovely... came home and slept til 7amish.

Sunday, April 11, 2010


Well im still nervous jittery butterflies rumbling around in my tumtum. Packing makes things so final........also makes you do a bloody spring clean of your wardrobe. So yes. All systems are go. Im not quite sure within myself how i shall go. Anyway. I write this within an hour I shall be heading to the city. I will touch base as I goish.

Its freezing cold today, icy in fact, wouldnt be snowing would it? Of course it has to be. Its cold in this house. Had to put the heater on last night for the first time in absolute ages. I have my scarf on. Jacket. Upon us heading into spring. It shall be a wonderful thing!

So where to gum-shoe?

Saturday, April 10, 2010


I am nervous and more nervous and nervous and more nervous... oh so damned nervous. Packed and packed. Teary and weary nervous and more nervous. I don't know how i'll sleep for the next few nights. Think i better stay off the coffee. Jittery and ittery.

'there she goes.. nobody knows...

ciao for now

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Not To

Today I was out and about early.. bought a coffee, sat with mum this morning at her work. I did not post my letters so i shall tomorrow. I am feeling ill at ease at the moment. I think its leading up to the time I travel. How to calm those butterflies i shall never know. Mums answer is :"pop a valium al" really helpful that one! I would just become a pill popping queen.

So I got all these beautiful stickers at the moment, i allowed myself $10 in the scrapbooking shop. I feel blue still, i should be the opposite but I'm not. I got my suitcase of art work out, i have to clear it, I might have an art clean-out tomorrow. I have to pack up, buy some sheets to cover my work in. Pack up all my paints. Feels like there is some finality to it all. I know its only a couple of weeks but my psychosis is telling me otherwise. What should I believe? Reality versus psychosis?

Its a day to stay indoors and curl up with a good book/dvds. I bought a book called The Childrens Story... its quite chunky, and the print in it is so fine if it wasnt it would be a 2 part novel. So Im going to keep that for my travels I think.

best be off now
more later
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found this one today

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

betcha bottom dollar

that saying betcha bottom dollar is repeating in my head right now. Im not sure why or where it came from. Anyhow. I have been a lil down today, yesterday i felt more stable. Today not so. So what is news' ?? Not a lot really. Goin out a bit later to grab some pasta from mia 's (this lil italian takeaway store here that is still going even now! Its been around since i was a kid) (they do amazing dessert there too) (shall i indulge and face the bulge?) What is another few hundred calories? lol


Sunday, April 4, 2010

easter blues

Am still working on this.

Easter ... I had an ok day. Spent it with family. Well for the first part... until mum lou and allen went to my cousin's hopuse. Then it was just dad and I. So really felt like I was alone. I was invited to go don't get me wrong. I always think I don't belong in this family and they all have their lives together and Im struggling with , mine. I guess they have a live. i still in the shadows, lurking, looking , observing.So in saying no to going , I felt isolated... and really very very sad.
So I was having eggs, chips all the comfort foods, its not a good idea to eat your way through easter blues either. I dont even want to think about the calorie count!

I spent much of the afternoon crying my heart out. A wave of sadness swept through me. So i sat playing scrabble, feasting, reading thats about it. I never cry when Im happy, i break down so easily.

Had lunch with family again out at warragul golf course. I ordered the manadrin duck.. the meat was ok. Falling off the bone, but as for the rice I had with it.. it was ultra dry., the bok choy was yum. Oh well. They were fairly large portions too. It was a drive, I love reading in cars. Doesnt make me have a headache. At times i wish i could drive somewhere... I get furious with myself for never getting my Ls. Now because of the way I am. I know i will never be able to. Its what ive been dealt. *sighs* Oh well. You can see the basket of herbs with the lindt bunnies in it.. i picked a basket full of herbs for my cousin yesterday.

Well it feels like a sunday even though it is clearly monday. I have to go put the veggies on as we are having it at 6ish.


Saturday, April 3, 2010


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found these on the net! LOVE them! Yes so i went shopping today. a few egss here. a few eggs there verywhere eggs eggs! So I also bought this lovely purple cardigan today... so lovely! Will have to take it for a "spin" . Found a beautiful handbag for mum, may buy it for her birthday! May have to put it on laybuy. So its a week and a few days out now! Shheesh trime sure does bloody well fly (and im not even having fun) hehe.

Anyhow its late here.. the clocks go back so one hour more of sleep.Well im using that houer not its around midnightish. I sat reading for an hour...Somtiems it really hits home that im 31 and single still. Especaily when your reading romantic/love stories about various types of love. (plus i was listening to the cure at the time) I was just in absolute tears. Perhaps it is me. Perhaps I am not ready in myself. I feel so bloody old now. Making it awkward to make new friends and move on in life.

One productive thing i did do today clean out my bottom of my much shit in there. Got rid of some scrapbooking paper i will never use... sorted out my ribbon bag colour coded them into order! I know sounds odd... but i like shades of colour to match up.... It thats one thing i am fussy about.. (in a long list of other things im fussy about)

Of its one thing i have ot done is this.. Im up watching rage! Holy Moly! I flipped it over and nick cave was one singing Babe Im On Fire... ace music clip.. never seen it before..and who ever the guests are they are to some pretty damned fine stuff! YAY! Call it comfort food for my heart. ergghh.

welpers im off now. Have a good day

Friday, April 2, 2010


I did not do too much yesterday. Stayed home and cleaned/tidied up the house. Lou and Allen are here for easter. So I did not paint. I spent some time reading.. and time on fb , im addicted to a game on there, its very very cute and highly addictive. I do not like farmville, generally ignore all requests to play that. I live in the countryside so that's enough for me.

Im not sure what today will bring.. its still early morning. So i shall go.