I grabbed some songs off itunes of rems new album. I chose only 5 songs off there. Im listening to the lyrics and music... i have been crying and crying from it. Especially Oh My Heart and wALK iT bACK my two favs I have on repeat at the moment.
In my head with one of the songs all these memories of the past come flooding through the gate and into the home of my heart. Its making me cry but It what I need is to cry it out. Im sad cause i have been remembering these beautiful lil snippets of my past, one in particular where I went to visit my friend in bendigo and they had two dogs.. i got on my knees when I went there and they greeted me. I also remember in my stay during that time I went outside with a cup of tea and sat in the morning light thinking about things and just being at peace. Then my beautiful friend came out and just sat there chatting. I never drank coffee til after 2001 i dont know why. I do like a lattee here and there now.
I was once told that I was a temple and to look after myself. What other things are flying about from these dusty shelves of time? I recall this photo I have hidden of me hugging one of the cats at katies farm in benders... and in the poto the cat is smiling the smae smile as me... and the sun beams on my head,,, creating a halo.
So where has that crown gone? I have fallen and fallen.All everyone wanted for me was happiness and all I gave myself and letmyself feel was sadness. No wonder my very first date with a giy wasnt so great, hestood me up the next time after id waited 3hrs at the train station in hope he might arrive.
Speaking of past.. how many men did i like? Was it a few? I guess these are the days these are the ways of myself. The sun has really shined and I ignored all that grace and parents words of encouragement to lead my own life.
this book tonight is closed for me.. to many tear are falling
drifting away to the deep night and losing dreams.
night night.
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