easter blues

Am still working on this.


Easter ... I had an ok day. Spent it with family. Well for the first part... until mum lou and allen went to my cousin's hopuse. Then it was just dad and I. So really felt like I was alone. I was invited to go don't get me wrong. I always think I don't belong in this family and they all have their lives together and Im struggling with , mine. I guess they have a live. i still in the shadows, lurking, looking , observing.So in saying no to going , I felt isolated... and really very very sad.
So I was having eggs, chips all the comfort foods, its not a good idea to eat your way through easter blues either. I dont even want to think about the calorie count!


I spent much of the afternoon crying my heart out. A wave of sadness swept through me. So i sat playing scrabble, feasting, reading thats about it. I never cry when Im happy, i break down so easily.

Had lunch with family again out at warragul golf course. I ordered the manadrin duck.. the meat was ok. Falling off the bone, but as for the rice I had with it.. it was ultra dry., the bok choy was yum. Oh well. They were fairly large portions too. It was a drive, I love reading in cars. Doesnt make me have a headache. At times i wish i could drive somewhere... I get furious with myself for never getting my Ls. Now because of the way I am. I know i will never be able to. Its what ive been dealt. *sighs* Oh well. You can see the basket of herbs with the lindt bunnies in it.. i picked a basket full of herbs for my cousin yesterday.

Well it feels like a sunday even though it is clearly monday. I have to go put the veggies on as we are having it at 6ish.

ally